I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
