im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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