the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
