weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
