i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
