sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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