So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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