The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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