this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
