if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
