My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
