I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
