too bad you live with your parents still
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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