One girl and one boy is just not enough.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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