Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
