i just wanna soil my oats bro
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
