Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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