So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.