You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him