I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.