Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
