shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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