Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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