that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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