Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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