i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
