You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
