wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
4 words: hood of his car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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