And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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