Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
