My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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