Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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