Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
