His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
