She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
