There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
