Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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