I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
