Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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