Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
