if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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