a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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