So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
