yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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