Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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