I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
