I got her a Nickelback box set.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
