apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ttyl tear gas
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
