I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
