how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Randomize
