GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
