Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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