You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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