you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
