I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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