Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
