so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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