Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
