You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
