SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
