HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
