mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
