It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
