First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
