I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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