Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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