okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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