there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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