if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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