i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
