Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
