Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize